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Snippets from My Journal #5

From my journal, Nov. 24, 2016

Reading Psalm 139 this morning, for the first time I see it as a psalm for disciples.

First the Lord tells me that He knows me…really knows me…in verses 1-6. Looking up the Hebrew was enlightening. The words He uses mean that He knows me intimately, better than I know myself.

God is like a detective, tracking even my most mundane activities, watching me when I think I’m alone, understanding what makes me tick and why I do what I do. He penetrates past my ‘best foot forward’. He has such a grasp of me that He knows precisely what I will say or do next as if it had already been said and done.

Lord Jesus, you know my heart, my thoughts, my dreams, my motives and my frustrations. You know my past, my present and my future. You understand me. You ‘get’ me. You have me pegged better than I do. I think my motive for doing something is this when You know it’s that.

And with all that, You LOVE me….simple, everyday

me….unconditionally. In Your kingdom there’s no such thing as a ‘nobody’. Amazing love!

Secondly, You pursue me. David is astounded and so am I! Verse 6 literally means ‘this is beyond me; it’s overwhelming!’ How true!

David’s reaction – and mine – to such incomprehensible love is a holy fear. “Where can I hide?” (vs. 7-12)

You know what I did last week, last year, yesterday…but You track my path. You don’t let me run away (vs. 10), not to point an accusing finger but to give me grace. You want to remain involved in my life – simple, everyday me!

Why? Because You want me….YOU want me…Incredible love, how can it be? It makes me think of the story I heard about a little girl with a cleft palate. She was convinced that nobody outside her family could love her. One day at school, the teacher was conducting hearing tests. The little girl had to stand with her back to the teacher, cover one ear and then the other, She expected to hear something like ‘What color are your shoes?’ or ‘What’s your favorite food?’ Instead, the teacher whispered, ‘I wish you were my little girl.’

That’s how You love us, Jesus. Whatever things about ourselves we see as ugly, You still whisper, ‘I want you to be My little girl or My little boy.’ Reminds me of the scripture,‘Unless you become as little children, you shall not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.’

Thirdly, You, Yourself, made me – vs. 13-16 The words ‘knit together’ made me think of my Mom who was a seamstress. How many times I watched her create beautiful wedding gowns, with intricate details, one stitch at a time, a labor of love.

It fascinates me that in the Hebrew, vs. 13 literally suggests that after You made me, You threw away the mold! No duplicates, no assembly line! Totally unique – all of us are one of a kind.

There’s never been and there never will be another me. You chose the personality, the abilities, the spiritual gifts and the specific purpose that sets me apart for You.

So when I look in the mirror and find fault with what I see, I need to repent and say with David, ‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made.’ That’s the only reasonable response if I’m a disciple! My life is about doing Your will; it’s not about me.

Fourthly, You have a detailed plan for my life (vs. 16-18) It blows my mind that You wrote a book about me, long before creation! (Jeremiah 29:11) You wrote it with boundless love besides! You mapped out the details of my life; in fact, in the Hebrew it says that You literally created each day of my life, tailoring the circumstances, establishing boundaries and fashioning opportunities for Your glory and for my good.

And You didn’t just write the plan and then forget about it.

You greet me every morning with fresh and new opportunities; You're prepared to walk through each new day with me because You decided that You love my company. How incredible is that!

Lord, I repent for every time I allowed another human being to define me. I repent for drawing conclusions about myself based on their opinions or even my own opinion of myself. As truly as you turned a Saul of Tarsus into a Paul the Apostle, you change each of us by your indwelling Spirit. I want to agree with who YOU say I am!

I am not my own; I’ve been bought with a supreme price! Jesus, You didn’t take out a mortgage on me so that I’m half Yours and half my own. You paid full price!

My ONLY reasonable response is to live my life as one huge ‘YES’ to You, to seek You, to come to know You and to love You with every fiber of my being.

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